Tired

Well.  It's the Christmas holidays.. just about...

.. For less than 2 weeks... one week of which I shall be spending in the middle of nowhere...

Bah.

However, I have got a very simple HTTP server implementation in pure c# working(!), and (for a prototype) it's quite nice.

It definitely needs work however, but I will be happy to put that in... tomorrow.

3am and I've just finished debugging... Yeeeaaahh.  Tomorrow.

Tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow
tomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrowtomorrow...

Tomorrow, I shall hame ve some serverings.

Also cocks

.ontheinsidelookingout

Well. What a day.

Yesterday of course now; what with it being 2am and everything now. But I generally find that I'm better at writing at late hours; plenty of practise from English homework i'm sure. >.<

Lately I've been reading a fair amount of fan fiction, and some of it's surprisingly awesome. Check out the 'Games' section, I know I did.

(Extra note: Reading the Zelda shite, DarkLinkxLink and SheikxLink, although generally the latter with the assumed storyline BEFORE the big spoilter in OoT when it turns out that Sheik is actually... eheheh. I won't spoil it. Someone spoiled it for me and I was pretty pissed -.-)

Somehow there are 72 stories for Pong o_o" ... Mm. Note to self. Need to get UK keymapping set-up on stupid laptop. " and @ are wrong way round, \ should be #, etc... And god (the corporeal, completely imaginary fiend) help me if I need to type a [UK 'pound' symbol]...

Yeeaaahh. Blathering now. Can't say anything awesome, because today was BORING and also I'm not an idiot. This blog is PUBLIC, man, even if no-one ever reads it.

Whatever happened to the emo-ish musings I was doing...? :/ I'm definitely not feeling any happier. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Probably just more chatty and less angry. Anger. Anger != emo, anger at self == emo... bleh. Who knows. Not me, that's for sure.


COMING SOON TO A hawkuponhigh.blogspot.com NEAR YOU:: MORE CONTENT!1
(Ha. What a joke. Like I'll ever get round to it again..)


And with regards to the above... YOU SAW NOTHING.

Prejudice.

British National Party - UK Muslims have "bad attitude"

Do you see that?  There I was, browsing the British National Party site from a link on uncyclopedia to see just how well-earned their reputation for racism has been earned, to find that link.

"UK Muslims have bad attitude"

What kind of crap is this.  Do they honestly expect anyone to believe that every single person, just because of their religion, suddenly has a 'bad attitude'?  It's propaganda spread by a possible government party of the UK's future, pure and simple.

Frankly this kind of racist shit is ridiculous.  With their seeming visions of 'white Britons being the higher, more supreme race' they try to put back up the walls of prejudice in our minds that so many have spent so much time trying to knock down.

Whatever.  I just can't believe that anyone at all would take them seriously.  Everyone's an immigrant, one way or another;  Seeing the similarities between our languages and the similar way that minds from even different sides of the world think, it's obvious at one point that we all came from the same place.

Unfunny hypocrites.  Never a good thing.

(www.Uncyclopedia.org == Think wikipedia, but smaller. And instead of truth, it's all just about teh funnies.  Very entertaining at times, the articles on Kitten Huffing and the old version (before someone reverted it to what they thought was 'less over the top') of the article on Redundancy are absolutely brilliant.

BNP == British National Party.

Me == Person who really ought to learn to blog more often)

*

You were eaten by a grue.

12:57 am

Urgh, yet another weekend has appeared. sorry for all of the encrypted messages and stuff, but some things are too important to be shared with those who don't know how to Google -.-

Sitting here half-nekkid (but which half?!), I actually managed to get some coding done.. on a Friday evening...! For me that's pretty good.

Admittedly it wasn't a LOT of coding, but it was > null, which is a very good start.

Bleh, I'ma check my e-mail. I haven't checked it in days now, and I'm supposed to be typing up some geekery or something for Maths. I think some of the kids at school are going on a French exchange trip over the weekend (bah, France can bloody keep them if they want... -.-") _

I'll try to update more often, shorter, more frequently. Probably gives a better insight into the independent entity that is me, rather than all this emo shit.

-- blanky, signing off at 1:01am. 4 minutes to type this?! I must be tired. Sat morning.

just testing Flock

Just testing the Flock browser. Seems like a nice, integrated interface.

If this posts ok, then you should expect a lot more updates from me in the future... Yeah, I didn't get round to posting the old stuff.
My scanner is a turd. :/

.soul

Let loose to roam the skies and our lives
The dark teatime of the soul rules all;
although, friends, i have regained enough power at least
To tell my tales once more.

But perhaps our souls yearn for the darkness
To be let free, and forget all the promises and expectations
To and from others;

I must stay on track. Forgive me in advance if I start to use old material that I just haven't got round to uploading yet.

.summary

warning: extremely rambly and vaguely psychotic. hey, i wrote it blindfold, in the dark, unable to read the paper at roughtly 2 AM this morning, so what do you expect.
just consider yourself lucky that _you_ didn't have to type this out... god, that was a messy 7 pages.


Where am I going in life?
I sit here in the dark, writing crap that I am unable to see; i can only assume that it'll still be here in the dreaed morning, the morning (very morning) that marks the anniversary of me being one day closer to the end of my life.
I cannot but think of that shitty English exam and think of how i explained the technology, but not what would come of it (which was like the whole fucking point of the fucking test).

I'm thinking, wow, level 5 city and yet my subconscious is being fucking optimistic. It knows how hard I was pushed by that sadistic test and telling me that everything must turn out okay.
But there's no God, is there? There's only us, and what we do dictates both our future and our past.

Writing in the dark now, unable to see a single sodding letter is a good analogy of my life. I can only hope that this shit will still be here in the morning, but very recently I've begin to wonder "why".

What's the fucking point. It makes no difference in the long run, my life makes no difference to this world. I could die right now and only a handful of people would even know/care that I'm gone, and even most of them would learn to forget their sorrow soon enough. Maybe it's for the best; after all, the human race is no good if it lingers on it's past (says evolution), and it's right.

But nothing I do makes a difference. I could die, achieve high, become a psychotic killer, murder hundreds, torture thousands and it would make no difference.

The only thing that really keeps me going (to be brutally honest) is coding, my friends (and perhaps more importantly) my friends from the net.

Fucked-up AOL are going to leave me internetless for 4 weeks (2o working days) when we move house on Monday. All my crap is currently in cardboard boxes, apart from a few odds 'n' sods as well as my laptop. Still, the lack of internet is one lifeline cut loose.

I can't really be arsed to code, although I've been trying to ease my way back into the habit by starting DB0, a database server-type project. The code is clean, the codebase fresh but chronically unfinished and practically unstarted. And I can't be bothered to make a proper start.

All of my spare time (at the moment) is spent on the internet or doing homework (which I try to avoid as much as possible). A fresh stream of data coming anew 24/7 is my addiction, and probably a curse. Without it, and with a reluctance to code (I may as well have no tools at all) I have only friends 'from school' and family.



And friends 'from school' is the best way to describe them; most so shallow and narrow-minded. All that seems to matter to them is school. There's a whole world to explore out there, and the only barriers keeping them in are the ones inside their minds.

Ah, wonderful family. Nice enough people, but I can't remember the last time I had a more-than-fifty second long conversation with any of them. More like acquantinces brought together by circumstance than friends.

As the barriers of my mind are lowered and the pure emo/goth pours out and envelops my thoughts as the anniversary of One More Day Closer To My Death gets closer and closer, I know that if I die with a knife in my chest it'll be in the early hours of the morning.


"Where do we go from here?"



Now that I think about it, Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody would be a precise (if slightly too up-beat) song to play in this case.

.start

ok, start. The current template sucks fucking cock, so I need something better.

Then I'll start typing the shit i wrote last night.